I’m almost done with my Xchange Guide certification program. Just one more class. One more assessment. One more “Apply, Reflect, Learn” submission… and I’ll be officially certified.
It’s been a powerful experience – stretching me in all the right ways, inviting me to step into more of my voice, my presence, my capacity to hold space for others. The kind of growth that doesn’t always look like fireworks but feels like quiet roots growing deeper under the surface.
Last week, during one of my practice sessions, I had the opportunity to facilitate a small group. It went beautifully. We connected. Reflected. Shared meaningfully. And because we wrapped up with a little time to spare, the group turned the tables and asked me the very questions I had just asked them.
I wasn’t expecting that.
And what came out of that unexpected moment really surprised me.
I realized something that had been lingering in the background, quietly whispering – but now it had words.
I said, “In my mind, I’m showing up. On social media. In my writing. In my group. I feel like I’m out there.”
And then I paused.
Because the truth is… I’m not.
Not really.
Not consistently.
Not intentionally.
I’m thinking about showing up.
I’m planning to.
I have a dozen half-written drafts, images in folders, captions in my Notes app, ideas scribbled in notebooks.
But… most of it never makes it out into the world.
In my mind, I’m visible. Present. Active.
In reality, I’m mostly behind the scenes.
And listen – I’m not here to beat myself up about it. Life has been full. There are good reasons. But it did hit me as one of those “huh… okay, this matters” kind of moments.
Because the version of me I’m becoming?
She’s intentional.
She’s visible.
She’s willing to be seen, even when it’s a little messy.
And she doesn’t just think about showing up – she does.
So that’s what I’m sitting with this week. That gap between what I believe I’m doing and what’s actually happening. That space between intention and action. Between self-perception and reality.
And I’m asking myself:
- What does it mean to show up on purpose?
- What gets in the way of pressing “post”?
- And how can I make showing up feel aligned – not just performative?
Because here’s the truth: I have things to say. I’ve lived through a lot. I’ve learned a lot. And I know I’m not the only one trying to navigate this messy, beautiful path of becoming.
So this is me – naming it.
Claiming it.
Deciding to be more deliberate with how I show up.
Not to chase attention.
Not to be perfect.
But to be real.
Because maybe… someone out there needs to hear what I’m figuring out in real time.
And maybe, so do I.
